Prayer of Senility

1-God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered: 2-I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 3-My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. 4-I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart. 5-Funny, I don't remember being absent minded... 6-All reports are in; life is now officially unfair. 7-If all is not lost, where is it? 8-It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. 9-Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant. 10-I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.. 11-Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 12-Accidents in the back seat cause...kids. 13-It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 14-Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. 15-If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 16-When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess? 17-It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere. 18-The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 19-These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after. 20-"If on the path you don't meet your equal, it is best to travel alone.