Y'allbonics New Southern SpeechPatterns

Y'allbonics - Not to be outdone by Ebonics in California, the Southern Association of Colleges & Schools is requesting billions of federal dollars to teach "Y'allbonics" in all classrooms south of the Mason-Dixon line.

Included here are some samples of "Y'allbonics."
If you do not understand any of them, contact a Southerner for an explanation.
HEIDI: (noun) Greeting.
HIRE YEW: (complete sentence)
Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"

BARD: (verb) Past tense ! of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH: (noun) The state north of Florida. Capital is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER: (noun) The state west of Jawjuh.! Capital is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS: (noun) A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK: (verb) Cognitive process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a Coke."

RANCH: (noun) A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I leff my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL: (noun) A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR: (noun) A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR: (noun) A rubber wheel.
Usage: "I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE: (noun) A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, Ah sure hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Pars sometime."

RETARD: (verb) To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FARN: (adjective) Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed . must be from some farn country."

DID: (adjective) Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

ARE: (noun) A colorless, odorless gas; oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ARE!"

BOB WAR: (noun) A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."