Amusing Thoughts

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart have written an impressive new book. It's called, "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once, the seat folded up, and the soda spilled.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, its shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house won't have a kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde, worried that a mechanic might try to rip her off, was relieved when told all she needed was $40 worth of turn-signal fluid."

11. A guy was depressed because his doctor refused to write a prescription for Viagra, saying it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

12. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.