DON'T MISS THE WINNER AT THE BOTTOM ...........
THE 2000 DARWIN AWARDS------
They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin
Award, it's an annual honor given to the person who provided the human
gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the most
extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been
keen. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this
event!
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS:
(Failed to qualify on the technicality that the perpetrator
did not, in fact, remove him/herself from the gene pool.)
~*~*~*~*~
In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
millipede with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the
head, fracturing his skull.
~*~*~*~*~
In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to
clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors
of his house.
~*~*~*~*~
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ,
in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick
of dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the
bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see
what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window
was closed.
~*~*~*~*~
This from Tacoma, WA:
Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had
bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic.
The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the
walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the
bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a
coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured
around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
ankle.
He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was
rescued by two nearby fishermen.
"All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me
on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot
was never located.
DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS UP:
In September, in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer
grate to retrieve his car keys.
~*~*~*~*~
In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
"totally zoned" when he ran, according to his wife, accidentally jogged
off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
~*~*~*~*~
Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole
he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and
had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when
it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach,
on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their
way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It
took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him
while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a nearby
hospital.
~*~*~*~*~
In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc,
CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in
his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.
~*~*~*~*~
According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick
Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey
Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate
the Flakvest Berrena was wearing.
~*~*~*~*~
Sylvester Briddell, Jr , 26, was killed in February in
Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put
a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
~*~*~*~*~
In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel
Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus
earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their
snowmobiles.
AND THIS YEAR'S WINNER:
PADERBORN, GERMANY
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant
Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-and
suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say
ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump
truck full of mud.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no
one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. "It
seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen."
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GAWD!! What a way to go and lose a friggen FOOT!
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